April 11, 2009

  • I think I need to seriously consider looking into marriage counseling.  It's not that my wife and I hate each other, but it's to the point where we might as well be platonic friends. In other words, our relationshp is cold. Sadly, we both feel most at ease when we are apart.  When I come home from work, we talk a little about superficial things and each do our own thing for the rest of the night.  We barely even greet each other anymore. Like I said, we don't hate each other, but now it's as if the only reason we are still together is because it's convenient.  Perhaps I am exaggerating things, but this is what I feel like these days.

Comments (5)

  • Sorry to hear that.  Sometimes even though it seems horrible to have to go to counseling, it's incredibly helpful. 

  • look at how much you are apart- doing your own thing. you are working long hours and aren't your best when you come home. she's dying inside of boredom and loniliness (i'm guessing you know). when's the last time you two did something together? something with just you two- no work talk allowed. what did you talk about when you were dating? intimacy only comes when gobs of time are spent together- playing together. check your heart. what's it saying to you? would you die a little if she left? would it tear you up inside? read a book together. do something she likes even if it bores you... don't buy things- heal things! go for a walk every single night and let the silence fill you up. make love a couple of times a week- even if you're exhausted. decide if your job is worth it. maybe it is- maybe it isn't. court her like you did when you dated- make her fall madly in love with you. listen to her as if everything she says is brilliant. tell her she's beautiful in the morning when she just wakes up. come home for lunch or take a day off to go exploring. collect shells. do something together at least once a week- paint a room, garden... i don't know what... you know what you used to connect over. all i'm saying is that marriage is work and sometimes one has to make the effort for another one to convince her it's worth the work.

  • wish i could say to you, "dude, i've been there, i KNOW!" but sadly i cannot since i'm a bachelor. still, i guess the basics of any close relationship would apply in a situation like yours? communication, doing something together, spending time together, re-newing your commitment to each other. like previous comments, it'll probably take effort on both sides to reach out to the other.

    also, i dunno if i'm reading this right, but did you write this when you were feeling a little tired/worn out/down from something else? you sound pessimistic, which isn't the 'usual' you (altho the 'usual' you is very subjective on my part cuz i don't really know the usual you )...

    i wish you and your wifey the best. here's hoping that things will get worked out! looking for help from a counselor isn't a bad thing, and it doesn't reflect badly at all -- admitting that you need help and wanting help is a sign you want things to change for the better and that you care about your marriage. you should talk to her about it, see what she's feeling/thinking about this, like does she feel the same things you're feeling?

  • counseling is a great idea. it's actually really helpful to have a 3rd person, esp a professional who can help you two communicate better to each other, to find how to love each other and things of that sort. marriage is always hard work, everyday.... but you two will bet back to where you were :) i have faith it will!!! *HUGS* hang in there and i'm always here if you need to talk.

  • Are your parents living with you?  If so, maybe you and your wife should take a trip and spend some time alone.  This situation sounds tough, but at least you sound like you want to make it work and are willing to do anything.

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